Ask Dr. Von Martinez

Check it out, peeps! I got my first question from the Twittertweets! This tweezer comes from @cleverninja (the @ means it’s a Tweeter!)

@wilheim Magnets: how do they work?

That is a pretty good question. Magnets are one of the most mysterious things in all of science. I mean… how crazy is it that they stick to some things and not to others?! Magnets come in all shapes and colors. They can also be used for a variety of household purposes. Sometimes they stick ugly finger paintings to your refrigerator and sometimes they stick mediocre or even decent finger paintings to your refrigerator. There are many theories about magnets, but one thing that all scientists can agree on is that magnets are confusing!

One thing I’d like to put to rest right away is that magnets are not covered in glue. They actually use something called magnetism to stick to surfaces. Magnetism is defined as the property of magnets that allows them to stick to things, such as refrigerators. I know I just threw a lot of fancy science terms at you, but basically what it all boils down to is that magnets work because they are magic.

I have it on good authority that there are some clowns that don’t even understand how magnets work, and clowns are required to attend college! If they can’t answer such a tricky science question, then I don’t know how anybody could be expected to explain this mystery!

It’s science o’clock! Today we have a real brain buster from Timmy Tim Tyler! Timmy Timmy writes:

Dear Dr Von Martinez,

Why is spinach?

Yours curiously
The Tim

Well, The Tim, spinach is because sometimes food is gross. It’s for the best, really. If it weren’t for the horrible AWFUL taste and texture of a plate of cooked spinach, how would we know how AWESOME beef jerky is?!

Flavor aside, there are a couple useful qualities of spinach that I have noticed in my extensive scientific research. The most obvious is that it provides you with super strength. When some big doofus is making the moves on your oily girlfriend, just chug some spinach and you’ll be busting heads like nobody’s business! This effect can be amplified if you also happen to be a sailor. Another cool thing about spinach is that it’s green.

That’s all the time I have for your question, Timbo. Adolph and I are Sweatin’ to the Oldies on VHS! Happy sciencing, sciencers!

Hi there, dummies! I’m back with some fresh science questions. Today we hear from Captain Christian of the USS Christopolis! Christian writes:

Dear Von Martinez,

I am Christian Esquivel and I have three questions to ask you (because I know alchemy is a science).

1. Is there a way of turning a quarter into gold?
2. Can a fire from a stove make a result to make a messy melt?
3. How is it that my dime got turned into a rainbow bleached chunk?

I wuz wundereeng iff u could fee-gir diz owt?

That’s all I need to say. Thanks!

Christian

First of all, ANYTHING can be turned into gold. All you need are 12 eggs, a loaf of white bread, a jar of fresh mayonnaise, and some gold paint. Crack the eggs and scramble them in a pan, then place several slices of white bread in a toaster. When the toast is complete, spread some mayonnaise on it and sit down for a nice egg and mayo-toast breakfast. Now you’re ready to dip your quarter into the gold paint. Wait a while for it to dry and then you’re all set! When telling people about your fancy new gold coin, be sure to bite it. That will convince them of it’s authenticity!

Your second question was very interesting. It opened up a lot of possibilities for fun experiments! I placed several items on my stove and observed them to see if they resulted in a messy melt. Here are my findings:

1. A box of popsicles: MESSY MELT
2. A jar of peanut butter: MESSY MELT
3. Cell phone: NO MESS (but it doesn’t seem to turn on anymore)
4. Adolph: He wouldn’t sit on the stove long enough to achieve a result.
5. Rubber Rain Boots: MESSY MELT

So, as you can see, there are plenty of ways to create a messy melt if you have a stove handy. It’s a good thing my roommate Doctor Despicable has such a big and fancy stove. The rain boots seem to have fused to it pretty good, though, so he’ll probably need to start looking for a new one soon.

Your last question about the dime probably has something to do with a double rainbow.

That’s all for today, kids! Be sure to keep those questions coming!

Check it out! It’s my very first science question! This one comes from little Jefferson Davis. Jefferson writes:

Senior Herr Martinez,

What makes heat rise and cold air sink?

Yours,

Jefferson Davis

This question is pretty easy. Frankly, Jefferson, I’m a bit surprised that you don’t already know the answer. Hot air rises because it wants to go back to the sun, which we all know is the hottest thing in the universe. It gets that hot by collecting all the heat from everywhere.

Cold air, on the other hand, likes to stay close to the ground. Have you ever been so cold that you felt like you couldn’t move? Well that’s how cold air feels all the time. It simply doesn’t have the energy to get itself up in the air. This is also why snow flakes fall to the ground. They are attracted to the lazy cold air.

I hope that answers your question, Franky. Thanks for reading, and keep those questions coming in!